Relational trauma refers to psychological harm that happens within relationships, especially when trust, safety, or connection is repeatedly broken. It often develops in close, significant relationships like those with parents, caregivers, partners, or even close friends.
Instead of a single traumatic event, relational trauma is usually chronic and interpersonal, such as:
- Emotional neglect (not being seen, heard, or valued)
- Inconsistent or unpredictable caregiving
- Abuse (emotional, physical, or sexual)
- Betrayal or repeated boundary violations
- Manipulation, gaslighting, or control
Because humans are wired for connection, trauma in relationships tends to shape how someone experiences themselves and others.
Common effects
People with relational trauma might experience:
- Difficulty trusting others or feeling safe in relationships
- Fear of abandonment or, on the flip side, emotional detachment
- People-pleasing or over-accommodating
- Strong emotional reactions (anxiety, shame, anger) in close relationships
- Trouble setting or maintaining boundaries
- A negative self-image (“I’m not worthy,” “I’m too much,” etc.)
Why it runs deep
When trauma comes from someone who was supposed to provide safety or love, it creates an internal conflict:
“I need connection to survive, but connection also hurts.”
That tension can carry into adult relationships, even when the current people are safe.
Healing is possible
Recovery usually involves:
- Building safe, consistent relationships (including with a therapist)
- Learning to recognize and regulate emotional responses
- Reworking core beliefs about self-worth and trust
- Practicing boundaries and self-protection
- Processing past experiences (through therapy modalities like attachment-based therapy, EMDR, somatic work, etc.)
Shervan K Shahhian
LIBERTY PSYCHOLOGICAL ASSOCIATION 